the first

As my birthday is one of these days this week, I decided to celebrate it on this blog with my one grey hair, as seen above in the reddish tint of our bathroom light. I’ve been looking forward to grey hair for a long time already. I had hopes for distinguished streaks at the temples, with perhaps a witch’s streak through the bangs. This one lonely hair on the very top of my head isn’t quite what I expected, but I know there will be more to come so… why rush it, yes? All the same, I can’t help but wonder how the rest will come… gradual salt’n’peppering evenly dispersed? sudden thick swaths of grey all together? and the wiry kink of this one grey hair gives me hope that I’ll finally get that thick mass of wavy/curly silvery locks that I’ve always wanted. I see a lot to look forward to in this grey hair.

O ne of my personal mental tricks, whenever I’m fretting over a silly mundane decision, is to ask myself, “What will this matter ten years from now?” Sometimes I only ask about five years. Either way, I find enormous comfort in having no idea whatsoever what we’ll be doing by then. Lori will probably be in the middle of her phd… and I’ll be… working? getting another degree? both?

I like looking forward to the older me, but I also wish I could get some preview into what the older me will think of this current me. Will she be satisfied with everything the current me is doing? Will she remember any of this? Will she look back on this time in Chambana with some sort of weird retrospective misplaced nostalgia? God help her. And may she have great hair.